Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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