i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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