she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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