Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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