when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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