I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
