I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
