if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
