Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize