I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
