This is not my ceiling
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
