Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
