how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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