You just made me feel so damn special
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
