dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
