and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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