Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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