how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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