hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
