he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
