Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
