If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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