Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
