nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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