I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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