you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
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He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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