fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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