afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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