The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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