all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
