Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
