he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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