Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
