You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
