Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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