Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
