The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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