i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
