dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
