Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
