at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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