hell yes lets make some ravioli
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
