I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
