Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
