Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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