Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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