im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
