I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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