she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
