you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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