i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
