He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
