this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
