My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
