thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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