im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
