K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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