who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
