u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
