does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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