okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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