My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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