And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
