Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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