it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Holy sore nipples Batman
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
