I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
