Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
