Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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