ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
