does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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