Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
