there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
