New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
