my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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