so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
