Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
