Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
