after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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