Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
