This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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