...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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